Life: Wife and Mother

College

I first met Emily in the fall of 2003 at the University of Colorado, I was a freshman and she was a sophomore. As will not be surprising to you after the celebration today, we met in campus student groups: the Residence Hall Association, or RHA which was the student government of the dorms, and College Democrats. This resulted in one of us calling the other a “stalker”. At that time, Emily was a Resident Advisor, or RA, in charge of a floor in the engineering dorms. As will be a theme, Emily was involved in multiple ways to support her community. She was not interested in the administrative components of her positions, but rather supporting and improving the lives of those around her. She was also not involved to build her resume or finances, nor did she require the spotlight. She was really in it to make other’s lives better: to be supportive, to be inclusive.

After her brother Matt, yes both of our names are Matt, departed for the Peace Corps in Africa, we started dating. At the surface, it may seem like an unlikely relationship: a former cheerleader and a band geek. However, in retrospect, perhaps her motives for being a cheerleader were not stereotypical, but involved what she enjoyed most: dancing, working with others, and championing others. So we shared the similar values of improving the community through action rather than complaint and not being involved for some artificial reason.

During the next 4 years in college, Emily continued to be active and passionate in the campus community, rarely leaving campus for more than a couple hours, unless it was for a student conference somewhere around the country. If it is possible, Emily was perhaps overly involved, at times at the expense of school work. Sometimes this passion for what she believed in seemed like stubbornness to those that did not know her well, but this was certainly better than the alternative, apathy.

One example of her selfless involvement and passion for her community is the Shoulder to Shoulder t-shirt campaign where the goal was not only to give the Colorado student section the appearance of unity using a school color t-shirt, but strengthen the community spirit and inclusiveness. It may seem difficult to do this through a $5 t-shirt, but over the 3 years of our involvement, she spearheaded distributing upwards of 15,000 t-shirts, working tirelessly as she often did behind the scenes. She also led the National Residence Hall Honorary whose goal was to recognize other students for their accomplishments in the community and in school.

She was also an extremely devoted partner. I do not think that she was into watching sports as much as I was, but she was always there with me. She would stay late in my dorm room while I was trying to figure out how to get a small LED to blink using assembly language, and often mocked that she could simply turn on the lights with a switch. Emily never forgot a holiday or birthday for her family, always getting at least a card, and was inventive in how she made it special: one example is that she arranged my brother to come from out of state for my 21^st birthday. She was the first and only partner that I was comfortable meeting my family, and she ingrained herself our family and made it her own. She worked to make everyone feel special in her own way. Her devotion was especially shown by taking the risk to move with me after college to Massachusetts for my work, without so much as an engagement.

Initial Years in Massachusetts

When we moved to Massachusetts, we were convinced that we would spend no more than 5 years here and move back to Colorado where all of our family lives. Even with the mildly annoying success of the local sports teams, Emily ingrained herself in the local community. Emily had a special and unique distaste for the coach and quarterback of a certain local football team.

Naturally, her jobs were supporting others, whether helping students go on educational tours, or planning events and weddings. For the first several years in Massachusetts we traveled every weekend as if we were tourists, to Boston, New York City, the Cape, Western Massachusetts, and our favorite the North Shore, including Rockport, Newburyport, Plum Island, and her favorite beach Sandy Point. We never appreciated American History until we moved here and visited Lexington and Concord. She loved going to the southern Maine coast.

We lived one year in Burlington before getting lucky during the Great Recession in 2009 and moving to Westford on Long Sought For Pond. Almost immediately, Emily became involved in her new community, and within months was volunteering with the Friends of East Boston Camps and the Conservation Trust. We also regularly attended town meeting, being some of the youngest voters in attendance.

Cancer

Our life changed forever in 2012 when Emily was diagnosed with melanoma: a mole on her back, and the cancer had spread to nearby lymph nodes. Over the next seven years, Emily fought cancer with the fight that she was known for. Until the past year or so, the signs of cancer were not visible, and Emily would often try to protect others from worry. Since 2012, Emily had around 10 surgeries, multiple moles removed and other procedures, spent upwards of 2 months in-patient at hospitals, had countless appointments with doctors at Lahey, Dana Farber, MGH, Beth Israel, Yale, and MD Anderson, was on at least 5 different medical treatments, 2 of which were trials, and almost got into 2 other trials. Emily literally did everything that she could to be here for her family, and I’m convinced that no one would be able to survive longer under similar circumstances. And that Emily survived with more pain than probably any of us realize, with poise, grace, and love indicates how strong and amazing Emily really was.

Marriage and Motherhood

After being presented with ultimate challenge of cancer, Emily also had some of her happiest years. Back to 2012 after the melanoma diagnosis, the reasons for holding off on getting married were no longer important, so in June of 2012 Emily and I married under trees on the Westford town common. I always said that the only difference between how we were living and marriage was babies, so in 2013, our miracle Jane was born: our miracle in that Jane emerged from the great anguish of melanoma. Emily always wanted a baby girl name Jane with red hair, and we were given this happy, healthy baby girl that we cherish every day.

Emily was the most devoted mother. For a time, she went back to work after Jane was born, working 10 hour days, plus at least 3 hours of commuting, breast fed in the morning before she left for work, and when she got home from work. We were fortunate in that we had the opportunity for Emily to stay at home and raise baby Jane from 6 months on and mold her into a caring, passionate, energetic, loving person like her mother.

Although Emily was a full-time mother and battling cancer, she continued to be involved in the Westford community, while also joining and promoting a new community with other local mothers and their young children. She made several new close fellow mom friends, and Jane similarly made friendships that continue today. Emily identified the need for the Westford Young Child Network and took the action to establish it. She also became involved in the dance community, both as a dancer and dance mom, at the infinitely supportive Spotlight Dance Academy.

Although Emily would have continued to make great contributions and we would do anything for Emily to be here with us today, I’m confident that she lived and contributed more in 35 years than most do in three times that long. Without cancer, we had the perfect life.

Before we move on, I want to thank those that have supported us, especially during the past couple challenging years, whether emotionally supporting Emily, taking Emily to appointments, taking care of Jane, or giving generous gifts to help us. Specifically, our family, fellow mom friends Lauren Arnold, Lauren Smith, and Andrea, and SDA Community, including Zoe, Sally, and especially Becky.